This is probably my last post to this Peace Corps blog. It is August 25, 2014. I've been out of The Gambia now for over three months and only "home" over one month.
Transitioning has been rough. They tell us so but it's still been surprising to me how tough its been. I used up the Peace Corps 127-C counseling instantly. It was nice but I think I used it too early. I felt like I wanted to burn through those 127-C forms as quickly as possible to put Peace Corps behind me allowing me to pave the way forward.
I didn't figure I could afford more counseling and looked up PTSD online and found that talk therapy and or drugs are the only way through it, if that's even what this was. I've been working late at our local bar and have a ten mile plus drive home. I tried "talk therapy" to myself on those drives home since I was still feeling anxiety about driving that quiet road in those quiet hours.
And, surprisingly, after just a couple sessions of talking it out to the omnipresent ether, I noticed a huge difference. The big breakthrough was when I was able to find an appropriate analogy to explain why this was so difficult.
I found that you could make the argument that we are all writers of our lives. To write you need software or a program. Microsoft Word is one such program that allows you to write documents. Back in the day, it had a much different look than it does now. Until Vista made it's appearance and forever transformed how we use Word, prior users had become quite good and comfortable, even professionally so, navigating through the program performing fancy edits and formatting styles suitable to the document they were fashioning. Then Vista changed everything. It was supposed to be a cleaner, more visually appealing, user friendly format. And perhaps it is. But it took some adjustment and figuring out. There was definitely a learning curve. And while we re-oriented ourselves, whatever documents we were trying to write in the mean time took a little longer than maybe they would have back in the Word '97 days.
And such is life. We figure ourselves out in a certain context until we become masters of our own existence in that time and place until... BAM. Some transition. Something comes up and throws us off our path a little bit. Much like an upgrade, taking time to download first of all, and then, depending on the magnitude of the upgrade, forcing us to feel like we're back to square one. Starting over in a program we've formerly mastered. Such transitions can be anything from moving to a new town, going to or coming from Peace Corps or other long term overseas stent, marriage, divorce, children, a new job, loosing a job, etc.
What has helped me is knowing that I'm not starting over from scratch. The software is there and I can still write. I just need to re-learn where all the tricks are for the fancy edits and formats. The ctrl+f and ctrl+z and ctrl+n. I don't know why but for some reason just realizing that I'm not broken or damaged, just upgraded, helped make me feel tons better. And two years of cultural experience from West Africa denotes a little longer upload time. That makes sense. This is something I can work with. I'm just re-orienting myself in a system upgrade. I've done it before. And I can do it again.
Whether you are going into or coming out of, or even currently in the Peace Corps, be patient with yourself every step of the way. Beginning, serving, and ending Peace Corps is like a microcosm of life. While this side of it is a little disconcerting, I wouldn't have changed anything for the world. Go forth and wage peace and friendship wherever you go. For it is only when we know each other and better understand each other that ignorance and hatred have no place to live.
Best of luck to you, wherever you are on your life journey! ~Peace~
Transitioning has been rough. They tell us so but it's still been surprising to me how tough its been. I used up the Peace Corps 127-C counseling instantly. It was nice but I think I used it too early. I felt like I wanted to burn through those 127-C forms as quickly as possible to put Peace Corps behind me allowing me to pave the way forward.
I didn't figure I could afford more counseling and looked up PTSD online and found that talk therapy and or drugs are the only way through it, if that's even what this was. I've been working late at our local bar and have a ten mile plus drive home. I tried "talk therapy" to myself on those drives home since I was still feeling anxiety about driving that quiet road in those quiet hours.
And, surprisingly, after just a couple sessions of talking it out to the omnipresent ether, I noticed a huge difference. The big breakthrough was when I was able to find an appropriate analogy to explain why this was so difficult.
I found that you could make the argument that we are all writers of our lives. To write you need software or a program. Microsoft Word is one such program that allows you to write documents. Back in the day, it had a much different look than it does now. Until Vista made it's appearance and forever transformed how we use Word, prior users had become quite good and comfortable, even professionally so, navigating through the program performing fancy edits and formatting styles suitable to the document they were fashioning. Then Vista changed everything. It was supposed to be a cleaner, more visually appealing, user friendly format. And perhaps it is. But it took some adjustment and figuring out. There was definitely a learning curve. And while we re-oriented ourselves, whatever documents we were trying to write in the mean time took a little longer than maybe they would have back in the Word '97 days.
And such is life. We figure ourselves out in a certain context until we become masters of our own existence in that time and place until... BAM. Some transition. Something comes up and throws us off our path a little bit. Much like an upgrade, taking time to download first of all, and then, depending on the magnitude of the upgrade, forcing us to feel like we're back to square one. Starting over in a program we've formerly mastered. Such transitions can be anything from moving to a new town, going to or coming from Peace Corps or other long term overseas stent, marriage, divorce, children, a new job, loosing a job, etc.
What has helped me is knowing that I'm not starting over from scratch. The software is there and I can still write. I just need to re-learn where all the tricks are for the fancy edits and formats. The ctrl+f and ctrl+z and ctrl+n. I don't know why but for some reason just realizing that I'm not broken or damaged, just upgraded, helped make me feel tons better. And two years of cultural experience from West Africa denotes a little longer upload time. That makes sense. This is something I can work with. I'm just re-orienting myself in a system upgrade. I've done it before. And I can do it again.
Whether you are going into or coming out of, or even currently in the Peace Corps, be patient with yourself every step of the way. Beginning, serving, and ending Peace Corps is like a microcosm of life. While this side of it is a little disconcerting, I wouldn't have changed anything for the world. Go forth and wage peace and friendship wherever you go. For it is only when we know each other and better understand each other that ignorance and hatred have no place to live.
Best of luck to you, wherever you are on your life journey! ~Peace~
